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While tweezing the offending aforementioned caterpillars from my plants, I was amazed at just how small some of them were – almost borderline cute, if it weren’t for their destructive potential. Other caterpillars were enormous in size, weighing down the very leaves on which they dined. Those (expletive) caterpillars were not at all cute, and I was surprised that, given their incredible strength, they didn’t just rip the entire plant from the soil, sling it over their shoulder, and take it with them to eat later. These were no ordinary caterpillars, but then again, these were no ordinary tweezers. The battle ensued: Cage Match 2010, Chef v. Caterpillar.

While flinging the offending caterpillars over the edge of my patio, I imagined, if prepared correctly, they would most certainly taste like a delicious Caprese salad. And why not? Having eaten fistfuls of my fresh basil and tomato leaves? Paired with mozzarella, a nice balsamic, and a light drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil? A little cracked black pepper right at the end?

Then I thought of Theresa’s chickens, just across town. Surely they would be happy to indulge themselves on my invading, wiggly, green delicacies? After all, a few weeks back, they did give me fresh eggs for my vanilla lemon ricotta cheesecake! Seemed like a fair deal: eggs for caterpillars.

Alas, I eventually came to the realization that tweezing wasn’t going to solve my long-term caterpillar problem, and thus, my trip to the gardening store. I applied a “plant-eating insect” spray for organic gardens, removed a few more caterpillars, then hoped for the best.

Almost completely encased in concrete, I never thought that I would be hunting caterpillars on my Hollywood patio, but Mother Nature’s sneaky like that. Just when you think you understand her, she’ll smirk, then gently push you off balance to keep you on your toes.

Having successfully removed so many caterpillars, my plants appear to be safe, at least for the moment, and will no doubt bounce back, even flourish, from this week's reign of terror. The day when the caterpillars attacked: C-Day. Things are almost back to normal in The Lyon’s Den. In fact, only moments ago, as I was closing the door to my back patio for the evening, I swear I heard laughter. What better proof of normalcy, than a happy, giggling garden?

And the winner of Cage Match 2010? Chef, not caterpillar. Let’s just hope there won’t be a re-match any time soon.